For I am about to do a brand-new thing. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? …
Isaiah 43:19, NLT
well hello everyone, i know its been a long time since my last post, and i KNOW that yall were sitting and waiting for my next one with great anticipation....... well i hope i dont disappoint! well a lot has been happening lately and i really dont know where to start, so i guess ill just start with that verse. God has been so wonderful to me! last week i went to winter retreat and it was the most wonderfully miserable time ive ever experienced in my life. the whole theme for the event was ''gumnos'' which is latin i think. basically it means ''made naked for all to see'' and the purpose was to make yourself gumnos before God so He can show you what you need to cut out basically. and at first i thought ''cool this will be easy!'' i was incredibly stupid for thinking that! it was the most awful and yet wonderful experiences of my life. and when i made myself gumnos God tore me up!!! and i thank him for it! i went in to it wanting, the basic ''church'' things, like to get closer to God and to see His will. i did get closer and although God has already kinda shown me His will for my life, thats not what i really got. i was so blessed by my very best friend, who had me go through the sinner's prayer with him. it was the most humbling and joyous things that ive ever done, and it gave me the most amazing feeling. and now its gone...... the feeling has disappeared...... and as i was talking to my youth pastor about this he told me straight up what the problem is. he told me that when your obeying God and doing his will you will get those amazing feeling and spiritual highs but then when you are not obeying that it leaves the door open to satan (who is very real and does actively attack) to come in and place seed of dispair and sadness in your life.
right now the only time i pray is when im hurting or im at church, thats it. the same goes for reading the Bible. the only time i spend alone with God is at camps!! so now i know what i need to do!! i need to pray, i need to get BACK in God's word, and i need to spent time alone with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!!!
i really dont know why i wrote all of this i felt as if someone might read this and be in the same predicament as me and they needed to read that there not the only one. im usually not this open at all, but now when God says jump, i dont ask how high...... i just jump!
i ask that all who read this would pray for me. i surrendered my life to the ministry of God and i know that when someone does that the devil tries that much harder to destroy that person, and i feel some times that satan himself is by my side chipping away at my spirit. but i know that i serve a God who can not only put back the broken pieces but make it like it never happended!!! that who i serve!! the verse at the top of this post is the verse im going to live my year by! because i know that He has started a wonderful thing in my life!! | 
